I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize