this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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