y did u give ur computer a hand job?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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