I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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