respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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