Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There r osticjed everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
