Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
