i would punch a child for taco bell
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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