You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
