I just saw a hot homeless man
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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