Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
