I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's like iHOP with fire
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
