My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
