I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize