WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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