she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
