Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I love having hate sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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