His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
