my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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