So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
