I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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