my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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