who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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