If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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