what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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