If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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