I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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