I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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