We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Terrible idea I love it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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