Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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