Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
