I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
