The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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