Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
