Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
