i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
