i think my tv is drunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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