More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
