I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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