I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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