nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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