Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
