i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
