Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
