I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
