our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
