you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
