who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
