I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
