Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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