I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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