if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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