On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
