Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
