Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
