She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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