Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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