Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cut my penus on the lid.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
