my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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