remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize