I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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