you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
