nut hugger
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We got so high we made milksteak
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
