if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
